Thank you more please: Raw Chocolate & Seed Squares

It's been two months since I wrote about homesickness and homecomings. Two long, engaging, challenging, sea-filled, magical months. Reading back over my last post, it seems like I had the realization I had been searching after for years and then all that was left to do was let everything fall into place and more importantly, trust that the sediment of the last ten years of my life would settle and the world around me would be clear and I would be able to see myself, my life, my situation and my present for what they really were.

If Vietnam taught me anything, it was to be thankful. Not simply thankful for a first world quality of life but for the magic that everyday normality can bring. For years, little sis has been trying to get me to watch this film with Domhnall Gleeson called "About Time". I hate romcoms so refused, until two months ago. It's about a guy who has the power to travel back in time and fix up messes he's made or simply relive an exceptional moment. As he gets older though, he stops repeating his days, trying to milk out the last bit of fun and instead wakes up everyday and appreciates everything as if it's his second time to live out the day and he is fully aware of everything, person and moment that is fantastic in its own simple way. His film made me realize that little acts of kindness are magical gifts to others but also to yourself. It also reminded me that instead of getting caught up in the activities of an entire week and stressing, referring to google calendar for every inconceivable notification, it is so much more important and healthy to start everyday the same. For the last month, I've woken up with a short but clear idea. Today is a new day, it's a magical day and you get to live it. Each day that I practice it, I feel freer, relaxed, alive and content all at the same time. Shoveling shit on the farm for hours on end can be a pain sometimes but then I stop, look around and say to myself, "I get to do this. I'm surrounded by funny, loving, kind people who are doing the same thing. I'm healthy. I'm free to stop or continue to work at this. I'm outside breathing fresh air beside the sea". It's then that I feel so incredibly lucky and I wonder why I didn't try this approach sooner.

I think of months on end, years even, of feeling down, confused, irritable and stressed. It's then I realize how change can impact so greatly on our lives if we just let it. I spent so many years resisting change, trying to control the situation, fixing relationships, exhausting my emotions, focusing on what was wrong and wanting to make everything right. If the last few months have taught me anything, it's how important change is for growth, development and freedom. Letting the small stuff just go has meant I can concentrate on what's really important to me. Letting other people's expectations go, no longer trying to prove myself to anyone be it about career, relationships, values and or living situations, has been riveting. And I'm happier. How did that happen?


I think it's because I started to listen to my heart and stopped thinking that volunteering on a farm, surfing, swimming, cooking food for neighbors and friends and working in a cafe to pay rent were all valued parts of my life that I needed to explain to others. The moment I stopped explaining and just got on with it, the more I made time for listening to friends, laughing, playing cards, shoveling shit on the farm and chilling out, the more my life has started to resemble what I've always wanted. Community, friendships, love, food, the land and the sea. That's it. Simple.

These last two months have involved finding a new place to live, getting a job, meeting new people, making friends and getting to know neighbors and community members, business owners and passersby. It was a challenge but like non other. Fifteen years ago, I came to this little town and walked to beach in the Irish sun with my wetsuit rolled halfway down to my waist. I walked along the beach with short hair and a wiry attitude but nonetheless, told my parents then and there, "when I'm older, I'm moving to Clare". In that space of time I've gone to college, had a million different jobs, traveled and had my heart broken but I wouldn't change it because now that I'm finally here, home, in my base, I know I didn't hold back or miss out on anything. All those broken pieces fitted back together. They rearranged themselves into a different form, like a beautiful but complex mosaic and now I can take a step back and look at my life and remember the pointed edges with a sense of pride because they all led me to this point and I'm so happy it did.


Last night, walking home from the beach with my great friend and new neighbor, we tried to recall what we did this week but the number of activities were so great, varied and fun, we couldn't organize them properly. There was a pesto making class, two swims in the sea after work, time on the farm, new jobs, card games, beer pong, laughing out loud and one of the most epic barbecues I've been to in a long time. We got to help out neighbor set up a surprise birthday party for her boyfriend with lights, fire pits and mountains of food. There was a point that night where I walked out to our courtyard. The fairy lights when sending out a warm hued glow, the fire pit had reached an epitome of warming glow, everyone was sitting around the embers in a circle, snuggled beside each other and there was music being played and all I could think of was "I get to do this, this is my community that I get to share with these people" and at that point, I knew that unexpected change had led me to this and I was never so thankful.

These raw chocolate and seed squares are packed with so many delicious ingredients and are the best treats I've made in a long while to share. I made them to be neighborly and they didn't last more than a day once I had them made but if you're very good, you could keep them in the freezer for up to three months. Good luck with that!

Ingredients:

1 cup pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
pinch sea salt
1 cup puffed rice (brown rice version is the best-healthy and nutty flavor)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1 cup solid coconut oil
1/2 cup honey
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1 inch fresh ginger, grated to a paste
4 tablespoons raw cacao powder

Method:

Place pumpkin and sunflower seeds with salt onto a dry frying pan on a medium heat and toast gently for 10 minutes (give or take) until seeds are lightly toasted and pumpkin seeds have started to pop. Add cinnamon and nutmeg and put aside to cool slightly.

Put coconut oil, honey, vanilla and ginger into a glass or metal bowl over a pot of hot water (like a double boiler) and stir gently until to oil has melted. Once melted, remove from heat and whisk together to combine properly. Add cacao powder to liquid mix one tablespoon at a time, whisking to combine. Stir the coconut honey mix through the seed and puffed rice and mix well to coat evenly. Line a rectangular deep tray with greaseproof paper. Pour mix in and flatten down well with the back of a spoon and give the mix a little shake to make sure all the chocolate mix settles well at the bottom. Place in the fridge for 1 hour, pop out onto a board, chop into squares and store in a sealed container in the fridge for a week or freezer for a month. Or just eat them all in one go. Most importantly, share, share, share.

Enjoy!

Tropical tunes: Mango, banana and cacao smoothie

I was home twice in the last five days. It was a rough weekend and I couldn't bring myself to carry on with things in Dublin normally, knowing that I'd left behind two very exhausted parents, so I went back on Tuesday for almost two more days. Up until a few years ago, a rough weekend described perfectly a boozey weekend that culminated in an ill advised portion of garlic cheesy chips and a lamb shwarma kebab at 4am. Since illness came into our house, a rough weekend has meant that my beautiful mama has been sick, really sick and that we've all pulled together to try and alleviate the pain, pressure and difficulties she's experiencing. A rough weekend for her is a rough one for all of us because we want to spend our weekend caring for her and making it better. It was an odd sort of weekend in that the big sis was home for a few days from Spain. We pulled together as usual but somehow it just didn't cut it. The weekend flattened all of us and when I left on the 6.45 am commuter train to get back to Dublin, all I could think about was, "what a fuck up! This can't be it. This can't defeat us. She's only half way through". I looked at my Dad's exhausted, worried face and thought about my Mam in bed and I felt completely helpless. I didn't want to go back to my life in Dublin. I wanted to go back home and take all the pain away, preferably with some kind of magic wand.

This illness infects everything, not just the body it inflicts its pain on and so often, the helplessness can overcome and overpower everything and everyone. The last time she was sick, I froze and let the immensity of this black disease consume me. This time, I wanted things to be different and for little, practical things to matter. I wanted to believe that if we all helped each other out, we'd need to implement practical acts of kindness. Me and little sis came up with a game plan. I would come home for a few days mid week and I'd spend time with Mam, cook healthy dinners and give Dad a break as caregiver and Mam some quality time. Little sis would visit each evening to help. It wasn't easy. I doubted that anything I was doing was enough or effective in any way. For the two days, I was close to tears, especially at the idea of coming back to work, of reintegrating back into life with work and friends, having spent all my energy focussing on my Mama, her illness and my Dad.

A tropical song came into my head at the end of the two days, as I watched the morning sun stretch across the length of the railway tracks waiting for my train back to the Big Smoke. It calmed me down. It reminded me that even though it didn't seem like things were changing or getting better sometimes, they were. Birds were singing, building nests, having baths and digging for worms in the garden. Veggies and herbs were growing and thriving in the back garden at home and all of that could be seen from out of Mam's bedroom window. Everylittle thing was gonna be all right.

I've realised, a mix of things are going to get me through this.

Singing that song

Living in the summertime sun

Helping each other out

Embracing the sun

In light of this summertime worship and Bob Marley's Three Little Birds, I've made this tropical tunes smoothie. It's bright, tasty, cheerful and will hopefully transport my Mama to a beach side cafe anytime she drinks it. Enjoy!

Tropical Tunes Smoothie. Makes 4

Ingredients

1 large rip mango

1 large banana

3 cups real orange juice

2 tbsp cacao nibs (plus some more to sprinkle on top)

4 tbsp dessicated coconut

Method

Wash the mango. Slice in the middle and remove the stone then chop roughly into bite sized pieces. Add mango pieces, banana, oj, cacao nibs and coconut to a smoothie maker or use a hand held blender. Whizz up to a yummy smoothie. If you want it thinner, add a little cold water or ice. Serve in glasses with a sprinkle of cacao nibs.

* If you want to make this regularly but don't have much time and you have a hardy smoothie maker, chop up your fruit when you buy it and freeze them on a tray. Once frozen, bag them up. Then you just have to add the other ingredients to the frozen mango and banana in the morning, whizz up and you're all set!

Snack attack: Energizing date and almond bonbons

I started back at full teaching hours about three weeks ago. This now involves less freedom to mess around in the kitchen in the afternoons, experimenting with new recipes but it also involves daydreaming about new recipes that I want to make. Teaching in the afternoons also involves more energy than I normally have, which is where biscuits come in.

Every Friday at work, the teacher's kitchen is thronged with hungry teachers who are in there to get their fill of every conceivable biscuity treat after a week of teaching. Don't get me wrong, we love our jobs and I'm not the first one to admit, with complete honesty, that this is the best staff room I've ever worked in. That doesn't detract from the point that it's tough going giving a six hour presentation, tailored to the individual needs of the fifteen or adult learners who have flown half way across the world to study English. We need our break and our energy. There are dark and milk chocolate digestives, chocolate chip cookies, regular oreos and extra cream oreos, kimberley mikados, coconut polos, caramel snaps and mini mars bars. That is just the beginning.

Every Friday we expect the mountain of biscuits will surely last throughout the following week and by Tuesday are disappointed to find the cupboards bare and nothing that we can dip into a cup of tea and give us the energy pick-me-up we so desperately need at the afternoon tea break.

When I just worked the mornings, I left work at lunch time and left the biscuits behind me. I felt healthier and more energized, less bogged down by the accumulation of three dark chocolate digestives, a mini mars bar and a triple chocolate chip cookie. My willpower knows nothing of restraint on biscuit Fridays. It occurred to me over the weekend that I could eat all the healthy meals in the world but if I am serious about moving towards a diet of non-processed foods (my aim for 2015), then the biscuits would have to go.

I didn't want to have to munch on a stale and pale rice cake while the rest of the teachers tucked into their oreos so I needed to think of something healthy, filling, energizing and above all damn tasty. Not the 'this will do, I'm happy with my healthy choice I swear' kind of tasty. I'm talking about the 'this is frackin awesome and every time I make them everyone wants to eat them just as much as me that I even have to hide them from my Dad' kind of tasty.

Well, I succeeded. I went home home at the weekend and made these bad boys and they are scrumdiddlyumptious. When I blitzed them in the blender, my Dad instantly wanted to know what they were, since all he saw was a cocoa colored, dessert-like snack. Dad is my unsuspecting taste tester. I know that Mam loves healthy snacks and know her chia from her chai but Dad is different. He is a very open-minded lover of food but it takes a lot for him to really like food that deviates from the norm. When Dad said they tasted "incredible", I knew I'd be able to change other people's minds.

This is why I'm writing it for you. Healthy snacks can often taste of cardboard as you look longingly at everyone else munching into cake and biscuits. These treats are healthy, filling, give you a slow release of energy but most importantly, above all those traits, tasted damn good. They took me less than 10 minutes to make and last (if you can help yourself) for a week in the fridge and 3 months in the freezer.

Chocolate digestives be gone. This week's tea breaks are the time for these date and almonds bonbons to shine.

Ingredients: Makes 26-30
2 cups medjool dates
1 cup whole almonds
2 Tbsp desiccated coconut
2 Tbsp tahini
2 Tbsp coconut oil
2 Tbsp maple syrup
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
2 Tbsp chia seeds
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 pinch of salt

2 Tbsp desiccated coconut

Method:
Using a food processor blend the dates and almonds until it broken up loosely. Add in all other ingredients and blend on high until it forms a dense paste and comes away from the walls of the blender.

In a small frying pan on a very low heat, toast the remaining 2 Tbsp of desiccated coconut until lightly toasted.

Roll a heaped teaspoon amount of the date and almond paste into a ball and drop into the toasted coconut, rolling it until the bonbon is evenly coated. Set aside onto a baking tray. Continue until all the mixture is used up. Chill in the fridge for one hour to set before placing in a sealed jar or container in the fridge (up to one week) or the freezer (up to 3 months but good luck trying to make them last that long!)

I brought a jar into work today and surprised myself by how little I wanted that biscuit and how much I looked forward to and devoured the date bonbon.

Give yourself a treat that you satisfy the appetite and make you feel good with your cup of tea at break time. 

Enjoy!